Posted by
Patrick Henry on Sunday, March 15, 2009 10:08:48 PM
I really need some advice. You see, I bought this business and then found out it was in real financial trouble. Its sales were down, some employees had lost their jobs, and it was up to its eyeballs in debt. Some of my employees introduced me to a guy they really liked. His name was Barry. They said Barry claimed to have some really great ideas about how to bail out struggling businesses and put people back to work. Barry seemed likeable enough, so based on his promises I hired him and made him company CEO.
There's no question that Barry is making some things happen. I'm just not sure they're all good. For example, he came in one day with this big infusion of cash. When I asked him where he got it, he said,"We borrowed it, of course." I asked him if that was really a good idea, since we had such a huge debt to repay already. He reassured me that if we used it wisely it would tun the company around and we would be rolling in cash. He said that one friend of his named Nan said he should have borrowed even more. And his banker, Harry, said "whatever." (I think Harry always says "whatever" when Barry wants something).
Then Barry said he had a great plan to get employees more invested in the business. We'd just take a bunch of that money we borrowed and write every employee a check for $600, even if the employee had never put a dime of his own into the company. Pretty sweet deal, eh?
And he had another great plan for employee health insurance. He suggested that we deduct 25% of what every employee's health insurance cost each month, and put it in a fund to be sure that employees who didn't have healthcare could get it. I did some figuring, and I figured that if the employee's healthcare cost $400 a month, and we took 25% of that, we could save up $1,200 per employee every year. I asked Barry if he wasn't worried that employees would figure out that he was giving them $600 with one hand, and then taking $1,200 back with the other? He said, "Naw, employees aren't that smart, and anyway it's good to spread the wealth around. (By the way, the plan isn't that bad for all employees. The ones that don't get the health insurance will now get it for $100 a month, and they've still got the $600 Barry gave them, which means they get it for $50 a month). Sweet!
Barry had one more brainstorm that I still haven't figured out. We use a lot of electricity in my business, and employees sometimes drive their personal vehicles and bill us for the mileage. Barry went to single source energy providers, set limits on what they can charge us, and then set up a slush fund -- again out of that borrowed money -- in order to guarantee these energy companies they'd still make a big profit. He said a small monthly payroll deduction from every employee would enable us to repay the loan for the slush fund.
Now, maybe I'm losing it, but here;s how it looks to me. (1) We're now twice as far in debt as we were when Barry took over. (2) He's still promising great things down the road, and wants me to be patient. (3) Any way you cut it, the employee is getting screwed over. A few certainly benefit up front, but in the end everybody pays more. And if the company goes bankrupt, everybody loses their job. What would you do if this were your company? Me? I'm thinking about firing Barry! When I mentioned this, Barry told me not to panic, that he had a Harvard educated friend named Timmy who would make a plan to get us out of the hole. Right!
In the far out case that you didn't recognize the characters they are, in no particular order: the company (The USA), Barry (President Barack Obama), Nan (House SpeakerNancy Pelosi), Barry's banker Harry (Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid) Barry's friend Timmy (Treasury SecretaryTim Geithner), the poor, screwed over employees (American taxpayers), the lucky few (those who made no investments, still got rebates and free health insurance).
This is not "voodoo economics." This is just plain economic stupidity. If anyone of us ran our household the way these nitwits are currebntly running our government, we'd be bankrupt in a hearbeat. If in debt, borrow more money. Promise people something in one breath , then take it away with the next. Take from those who have earned, and give to those who have not. There was another guy who believed the same way. Gee, what was his name? Oh, yeah, Karl Marx. There must have been a lot of drunk people on election day. Unfortunately now we've all got a four year hangover.