Posted by
Patrick Henry on Friday, January 02, 2009 9:23:32 AM
A New Year is upon us, and the media are already scrounging for the headlines that
will drive their sales. Since the rest of us don't take the media nearly as seriously as
they take themselves, here's a little fun-poking preview of what they'll likely be
featuring in 2009.
1. "Iran rejects Obama offer of food, technical assistance, security guarantees and
free beer and pretzels; presses forward with nuclear research." (Talking to the criminally
delusional rarely works, but it was worth a try).
2. "Senate seats Al Franken after multiple lawsuits challenging his bogus election."
(Franken becomes first lawmaker with actual prior professional experience as a
bumbling clown).
3. "Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich makes alternative senate pick." (Former
Illinois Governor George Ryan to be pardoned and head to Washington upon his
release from prison. This is just in case anyone bothers to read the Constitution
and tell idiot congressman Bobby Rush that race is NOT a qualification for
senator. And, it gives seantors a choice between a black who was nominated by
a crook and a white Republican who IS one).
4. "Obama breaks promises, raises all taxes, reduces gieaways." (Oh well, you
didn't REALLY believe pigs could fly, did you)?
5. "Waterboarding replaced by Kool-Aid slurping." In an attempt to attain torture-
free information from captured terrorists, new CIA Director Tim Robbins approves
plying captives with sugary drink until they vomit. (Meanwhile Al Qaeda plans for
destruction of New York, Los Angeles and Chicago move forward).
6. "Government backed clinics offer abortion curb service." You don't even have
to leave the comfort of your auto to alleviate the unwanted consequences of your
sexual irresponsibility.
7. "New Supreme Court ponders replacing motto on coins with 'In Gay We Trust.'"
With the Dems in power and Obama's new liberal jurists riding high, it seems that
God is out and gay is in."
8. "Obama develops taste for Cuban cigars, drops embargo." Prez kicks nasty
cig habit in favor of Commie stogies.
9. "Barney Frank proposes using bail-out funds to build memorial to gay activist
Harvey Milk in San Francisco." Makes as much sense as the rest of what he's proposed.
10. "Nancy Pelosi rumored to be 'involved' with UAW's Ron Gettelfinger." It was
the only way she could get further into bed with the unions.
11. "George Soros indicted for election rigging -- flees the country." Anyone who
can buy an election (e.g., Minnesota) can probably afford a small non-extradition
country.
12. "ACORN sets new registration mark." Organization registers 2,000,000, only
1,989,000 of whom are dead or fictitious. Pundit panel proposes changing the
group's acronym to CHEAT.
13. "Democrats pass immigration reform." Amnesty for all, open borders, come
one, come all, and be sure to bring your pets. America is rich, unemployment low
and unearned benefits generous. Bring us your tired, your wretched . . . etc.
14. "Obama taps Bernie Madoff for press secretary." He needed another
guy who really could fool all of the people all of the time. And what's one more
crook in government?
15. "Cannabis farmers in line for multi-billion dollar bailout." Ganja boondoggle
looms as Dem congress moves to legalize marijuana.
Laugh a little, But don't be too surprised if some of these actually happen.